The Specs:
The most powerful legend of all is back in a new adventure.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Grace Jones (A View To Kill)
Wilt Chamberlain (NBA legend)
Mako (The A-Team, Conan the Barbarian, Sidekicks)
Tracey Walter (Batman, City Slickers, Death To Smoochy)
Sarah Douglas (Meatballs 4, Return Of The Living Dead III)
Olivia d’Abo (Animatrix, Invader ZIM, Ultimate Avengers)
The fabulous Arnold Schwarzenegger, actor, author, seven times Mr. Olympia, and five times Mr. Universe, is back for the further adventures of Conan, the warrior king, in the sequel to 1981’s Conan the Barbarian. This time Conan promises to lead a spoiled Princess to fulfill her destiny in return for the return of his true love, however, Conan is being used and has been targeted for murder. Complete with a wonderful supporting cast, Conan the Destroyer is filled with hilarious barbaric action. Conan is joined by a large cast that includes Grace Jones and Wilt Chamberlain. In this second Conan epic, he is asked by the evil Queen Taramis to accompany a beautiful young princess to find a magic treasure. If he returns with the treasure and the virgin, the Queen promises to bring Conan’s beloved Valeria back from the dead. But little does he know that she plans to kill them both, or that the return of the treasure will mean the extinction of mankind. – DVD
Although this sequel does manage to fall behind its predecessor, I still thought Destroyer was fantastic on its own. Being a fantasy, science fiction, and roleplaying geek, this film always had a special place in my heart. My first exposure to swords and sorcery can be linked to first edition Dungeons & Dragons and Conan himself. I read most of, if not all, of the original Conan novels at a very young age and was already conditioned to enjoy anything else Conan. Honestly, neither of the movies disappointed me at all.
The first film will always be the origin story for the title character, setting him up and explaining why he is the badass he is. The second film, however, really casts him in a party roll. I always considered it a “What If?” movie as far as if a gamer geek such as myself could film an in-game D&D experience I’ve had or something I’ve always envisioned D&D to be like. Keep in mind this was many years before the actual crappy D&D movies were produced, although both Conan’s trump those flicks anyways.
But, yeah, Destroyer plays out like the perfect D&D campaign to me. We got two barbarians, a wizard, a thief, a ranger, and a tag-along NPC. The quest is for treasure, impending global doom, an evil Queen, and a final encounter with a “godlike” creature. Not to mention we also have the expositional journey, random encounters with cannibals and an evil wizard. I also thought the characters were so well acted that I got a good idea of how, if it was possible, their player counterparts acted in real life. Call me crazy but I simply cannot get over the entire gaming aspect this movie subliminally portrayed to me.
Special nods go to Mako with all his powerful groans and gestures of magical conjuration, Tracey Walter for being a fantastic whiney backstabbing dagger tossing thief, and Grace Jones for her crazy woman of the wild performance.
As I was with Red Sonja, I was highly impressed with the overall production value of this film even given its age. The costumes and sets were and still are excellent. The special effects also had to be fantastic given its age but I can still accept today. The score is probably one of the best fantasy soundtracks you’ll ever hear. Even the choreography was great, each and every fight scene was splendid. This includes the hilarious WWE showdown between Conan and the evil croco-wizard demon that featured sleeper holds, airplane spins, backbreakers, bear hugs, and bodyslams.
The Score:
Basil Poledouris was without a doubt the greatest composer of swords and sorcery scores until Howard Shore recently came along and scored the Lord of the Rings. Do yourself a favor and get the Conan scores on mp3 or something. It’s all quite top notch. The main Conan theme is fanastic enough as is but all the other pieces he wrote are awesome too. It’s probably safe to say between the two Conan films, we have the best scores in Ahnold’s filmography.
The Fact:
Andre the Giant was Dagoth, the horned giant creature that appears towards the end of the film. – IMDB
The Sequence:
If you had to choose between Conan punching a horse or a camel… could you?
I sure as hell couldn’t.
The Line:
Uhm, so there was a “choppah” moment in this one so I can’t refuse to mention it here.
“INTO DA TUNNALL!”
That’s “Into the tunnel!” in case a translation is needed.
The Shot:
Simply priceless.
Oh, that is camel spit by the way.
The Body Count:
Well, my overall prediction for highest body count could possibly be overthrown with this one. Conan and his cohorts gack approximately 75 by the end credits. This includes the hordes of cannibals, cultists, evil wizards and queens, and various creatures.
The Extra:
There was a straight-to-TV release of a third Conan movie. Here’s a teaser for it.
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